FAQ Memberlist Usergroups Register Log in
Profile Log in to check your private messages Search

Writer's Group 9: ALIENS
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic     Forum Index -> The Written Word
Author Message
Maeniel



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1081
Location: Next to Waldo

PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@Tam: I see no reason to be super picky about the rules. As of now, your entry is one of two. Maybe I'd disqualify you if there were more people clamoring to get your spot, but at the moment, the spirit of the WG is to write some good stuff and stretch your boundaries. Smile You're still in the running.

@Asa and Ax: No worries! Would extending the deadline help? Or should we just go with the two we've got?

@Nem and Benhur: Are you guys able to post something? If not, no worries--we'll probably try and make these WGs more often. Smile
_________________
Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay, we're in the running! ^_^ Also, I'd appreciate any kind of feedback anyone cares to give.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Extension if people are uber-nice? I'd like to participate, still.
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Maeniel



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1081
Location: Next to Waldo

PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can give you guys until Wednesday; I won't have internet when I get home, I don't think. Unless you guys need more of an extension. Smile
_________________
Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
spellingmistax



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 618
Location: Asa took this ^ I stole it ^_^

PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would like an extention beond wed, but no i will not take one if offered. I will have something for wed. Be warned that i will write it after Work at night, i will not be using any ideas i have come up with so far as they would be trite. You will have something it will be fast and brutal but I WILL NOT MISS THIS DEAD LINE
_________________
"He gave you a life and you should cherish that treasure." - Benny

while Udina asked the usual inane civilian things that came about while under attack: "What's happening? Who is shooting at us? I'm squishy and not wearing armor and I'm a liability, get me to safety, etc.
dubbed Anthrax by Asa
Spellingmistax = mistax = ax = anthrax
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 10:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Go Ax, you can do it! =o
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm writing mine at work during the day! =_= Blah... I was really stupid last night and stayed up til three reading instead of sleeping or writing.
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Talps



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 134
Location: Merrie olde Englande

PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

O_O That was rather intense, Ax. Razz

Tam, I loved the sort of 'expansion' thing going on in your story, how each 'level' led to the next. And I also liked how, in the end, it all looped back to that original myth. Was a sad story, but a good one. Man, humans fail Razz
My only gripe would be that the characters didn't seem too well developed. They didn't really grab me, and they all seemed a bit similar to one another.

But still, it was an intriguing idea.
_________________

Dubbed reversquee.
Talps = Splat reversed. Splat = Squee
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
spellingmistax



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 618
Location: Asa took this ^ I stole it ^_^

PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

@Talps: A bit too much? But at least it made me get it done.

@Tamir: I did but it an't pretty.

Quote:
I was really stupid last night and stayed up til three reading instead of sleeping or writing.

That is the only way to get any proper reading done; I salute my fellow should-of-gone-to-sleep-ages-ago reader.

As I said earlier this is not great. It is more of a first draft of an interesting idea . (For me anyway) I have run out of time so I am posting it now. It needs work, enjoy.

The interview

PIRME NEWS

This is your live current event program, we ask the hard questions, we seek the real answers. Tonight Damodar Tobias heads deep into the seedy under belly of this city to find out just how welcoming we are to our extraterrestrial visitors.

On screen we see a man striding purposefully down an obviously dilapidated part of the city. The following is a voice over as the city gets worse and worse.

Ever since ‘First Contact’ was made and the realisation that we are not alone in this Galaxy, there has been an increase of None Earth Origin Immigrants* into this great land. Have we met these poor unfortunates with courtesy? With a grand demonstration of good, human compassion? No, we have treated these most unfortunate travellers with distain and hatred. We have treated them not with the respect that all sentient beings deserve but as less than the lowest form of life. Is this how we want to be seen by the galactic community? Is this the image we as humans want to portray? To demonstrate how badly NEOI’s are treated we have arranged an interview with GKGAiravn aaewc aSKDc aTKv aKc ak krgc one of the first NEOI’s to take up residence in this city. In a fine gesture and a bold attempt an integration GKGAiravn aaewc aSKDc aTKv aKc ak krgc has asked to be referred to as Ivan for the rest of his stay here on Earth.

As the voice over ends, Damodar slows down as he approaches what at first sight appears to be a pile of rubbish, then it moves just as a week sun shines through and briefly lights the alley. A thing, unmistakably alien but equally unmistakably alive is just able to be seen before the light fades and it melds back into the shadows.

Damodar: Ivan, can you please tell our audience in Earth standard how long you have been living here in this city?

Ivan: About two and a half years.

Damodar: Did you always live in this ally?

Ivan: No, for the first year I was resident in a standard residence, provided for those of your species who are currently seeking working visas. Obviously it was modified to suit my species particular needs. The City Council moved me here after repeated petitions and protests.

Damodar: That is terrible. Tell me how are you treated by the local citizens?

Ivan: It was difficult at first, but there attitude has gradually improved over time. There are many who pretend or wish that I did not exist. I am insulted and taunted almost nonstop. I regularly have to take action to avoid being hit by used receptacles for your young’s bodily waste and other, less savoury items. At night I find it very noisy and the rats are difficult to keep track of, I have no wish to lose sight of such things.

Damodar: As you can tell, from this interview we have been given a glimpse of the terrible conditions that visitors from the stars have to put up with. Ivan in your own words, how would you describe the way you have been treated during your time on this planet?

Ivan: The first year was terrible; I was unable to leave the assigned residence for any length of time before I was pursued by your governmental officials insisting that I return. I am a law abiding being but in this case I was sorely tempted to break yours. It took nearly a year of protests and petitions for me to be allowed to move here. I thought that after I had ‘escaped’ that things would improve and that I would be treated with the dignity and respect of any sentient being. I was sadly mistaken. In the first three months of my stay in this ally I had no verbal abuse, not even from your older population. Such rudeness to ignore the existence of others. After a number of talks with this local communities leaders and with much patience I managed to convince them that I had no wish to live indoors and that I found it extremely distressing the lack of any items thrown or even any verbal abuse. I have managed to convince them that it is a mark of respect in my culture to be abused so as well as this they have started to include some very tasty snacks in there missiles. I am esspecialy pleased with the number of local wild life I am allowed to hunt. It is most satisfying as they are hard to catch and quite tasty, these rats of yours.

Damodar: I, ah um eh, WHAT?

Ivan: I was aware that you have an alien culture and that it would be difficult at first to adjust here but I did not know how hard it would be for me. I did not realise how different you are from my species, we live and learn eh?

Damodar: Yes we do, back to Matej Georgiy in the studio

*Abbreviated to N.E.O.I. and pronounced Nenos
_________________
"He gave you a life and you should cherish that treasure." - Benny

while Udina asked the usual inane civilian things that came about while under attack: "What's happening? Who is shooting at us? I'm squishy and not wearing armor and I'm a liability, get me to safety, etc.
dubbed Anthrax by Asa
Spellingmistax = mistax = ax = anthrax


Last edited by spellingmistax on Wed Dec 23, 2009 6:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cute idea. ^_^ I didn't understand at first, but I liked it when I got it.

Reversquee wrote:
[...]the characters didn't seem too well developed. They didn't really grab me, and they all seemed a bit similar to one another.

Aw, drat. I worked pretty hard trying to write each paragraph in a slightly differently style to help differentiate the characters, since there's no dialogue in the story. u_u *sighs*
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Talps



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 134
Location: Merrie olde Englande

PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 5:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice story; quite entertaining. I guessed and rejected the 'he likes it this way' theory a few times before the end, which is fair enough. It was a bit of fun, and with some work it would make a good shaggy-dog-story type joke story thing. (Indeed!) That's a good thing.

Though I think you mean 'alley'. 'Ally' is what you call someone in 'Age of Empires' who doesn't kill your peasants.[/grammar_police] Wink

The management would like to apologise for the inexcusable reference to an ancient (if mildly awesome) computer game in the above post.
_________________

Dubbed reversquee.
Talps = Splat reversed. Splat = Squee
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
spellingmistax



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 618
Location: Asa took this ^ I stole it ^_^

PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@ Tlaps: The joke story was what I was aiming at, unfortunately as it stands; it is a pretty ham-fisted affair. But I got it up, phew. Age of Empires II was my favourite game until quite recently when it was replaced by Company of Heroes as the best multiplayer I have ever played. Do not worry about being a deputy in Asa’s grammar police as if you go overboard I will post without rereading what I wrote. My unedited posts have been known to bring tears to the eyes of those who love English. I am the anti-grammar man. Very Happy (I have edited the offending word, thank you)

@Tamir: Thank you
_________________
"He gave you a life and you should cherish that treasure." - Benny

while Udina asked the usual inane civilian things that came about while under attack: "What's happening? Who is shooting at us? I'm squishy and not wearing armor and I'm a liability, get me to safety, etc.
dubbed Anthrax by Asa
Spellingmistax = mistax = ax = anthrax
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's still Wednesday somewhere in the world!!!

YUNDAH

Yundah = seal-woman
Selkies = seal-folk with the ability to shed their skins and become human
Girvan = young, rough boy
Muriel (Muireall) = sea-maiden

I’m playing a bit with the actual lore to suit my purposes, but it’s basically the same. This is set in the same country as “Maid on the Shore,” but further down the coast.

~

“And don’t come back until you’ve done something useful, boy!” Girvan ran out of the kitchen with his arms raised over his head, and paused only to grab his flute before trotting down the path to the shore. As he passed the forge, flute in hand, his father glanced up and shook his head.

“How any boy of mine would be satisfied with games and nonsense, I don’t know,” the man rumbled over the noise of the bellows. “Your name means Rough, boy, live up to it!” Girvan grinned at his father and didn’t respond. The constant gripes made no mark on his tough hide, and he went his own way.

His own way led always to the ocean, and a lonely stretch of land bound by cliffs. Here Girvan played his flute and taught himself new songs, composing words in his head that never touched the air, since he hadn’t figured out how to play and sing at the same time. Today he was working on a song he felt had been written by the sea itself, and perforce was moving slowly. He lost track of time in the flow of the music, and when he came back to himself the sun was setting. In the sea in front of him sat a seal, staring at him with huge, fearless brown eyes.

He stopped playing mid-note. A seal at the shore! What was it doing here? Those were creatures fearful of humans, normally. In the back of his mind Girvan knew that this particular bit of land was never visited by other people, because there were no fish and it was hard to get to. But still! The seal might be a Selkie, and if that was the case… what a song that would be!

The seal moved as if startled when the music stopped, and fled back into the water. Girvan half rose from his seat in an aborted attempt to stop the animal. “No, wait-”

~

Muriel floated in the deep water, watching the men hauling fish on their boats. How incredible was it, the dexterity of human hands! Tying knots on the fly, grasping nets in flexible fingers and prying open jars with fingernails no larger than an eye. And the people didn’t recognize these gifts the gods had given them. Muriel herself could hardly wait for the nights when she could break free of her skin and assume the form of a human – most nights she simply sat on a rock near a lonely shore and admired her fingers. Sometimes she would dare the beach and draw in the sand, creating fanciful patterns with one, two, or all five fingers, lines and swirls denied her in seal-shape. Her mother and father scorned her yearnings, and told her to give up her childishness. She was seal-woman, a Yundah, and could have so much more than merely fingers and ephemeral drawings in the sand!

One night several months ago she had headed eagerly for her beach, arrowing through the water until the ground began to rise. Then she broke the surface and froze. There was a human boy on her beach, sitting cross-legged with his eyes closed. His long-fingered hands were wrapped around a strange item held to his mouth, and it was producing the most captivating sounds Muriel had ever heard.

It sounded almost like a voice, like a long drawn out note flying over the scales and down into sharp discordances that resolved a few moments later. It put her in mind of the ocean itself, and sent her swooping across the ocean floor in her mind’s eye. Abruptly, the music had stopped, and Muriel came back to herself to see the human boy staring at her. Suddenly frightened, Muriel turned and sped back into the water, away from the boy who was unlike any she’d seen before.

~

Over the next few days Girvan seemed to be hearing about seals and Selkies everywhere. In the forge, his father’s apprentices swapped ever-expanding stories about the beautiful seal-maidens they’d seen on the shores near the harbor and how they’d steal one to wife. In the market, housewives gossiped about the men who’d left town, probably in the clutches of scheming seal-maidens who lured them beneath the waves. Fishermen spoke of seals stealing their catches before they could get to them, trappers of the impossibility of catching one.

Girvan’s curiosity grew hotter and hotter as the weeks passed, making him nearly jitter out of his skin whenever he was away from the seashore. Which was the truth? Was there a truth? Girvan became very good friends with the elder folks in town. No one in living memory had seen a Selkie shift shape, but his neighbor’s grandfather remembered hearing about how his father’s uncle had disappeared under mysterious circumstances while night fishing one evening. The seals were known to be Selkies, but that might be local legend as much as truth. The most striking individuals in town were called Selkies, but it might just be compliments.

Girvan went back to the beach every clear night, trying to see if that seal was more than just an unexpected audience to his playing. If he could meet a Selkie, that would be the best moment in his life! Just imagine, ill-named Girvan would be the first to talk to a Selkie! One who wouldn’t laugh at him. And perhaps he’d have a friend as outcast as him.

~

Muriel avoided the beach for weeks. The gulf between wishing to meet a human and actually doing so was vast indeed, and not one she was prepared to cross right then. After a while her fear decreased and her curiosity increased. What exactly had the boy been doing? They had music in the Sea Hold, of course, but it was all vocal. This reminded her of voices, but it had elements a real voice couldn’t attain. The purity of tone ached, and it resonated in her bones all through the winter. On clear days she would return to the beach and lurk behind a submerged rock, listening to the boy play his sea song and feeling the notes huddle in her throat. In the sea she was safe, but on land she could sing…

As spring came again, Muriel ventured close to the shore once more, half hoping to catch the boy at his mysterious music without the interference of water, and half hoping he’d have given up and given her back her beach. That evening the beach was empty and Muriel swam up the sand until she was only half covered, then wriggled out of her skin and stood up. Stretching, she got her land legs under her and walked out of the sea. No matter how alone she might be, caution while on land had been drummed into her from a young age. One side of the strand consisted of a pile of boulders, and here she lurked with her sealskin wrapped around her, digging her toes into the sand and humming the tune the boy had played. As the sky darkened she expectantly watched the far end of the beach. There! Slipping around behind a boulder, Muriel watched the boy settle himself in the sand and take out his hollow stick. She held her breath as he began to blow, carrying her away on his song of the sea.

~

Girvan never set down notes to this song, it was only an expression of his feelings for the ocean. And recently, it had become an expression of his wish to meet the Selkie. Sometimes he thought he heard a splash in the dark water, or a shadow in the moonlight, but nothing certain. He began to dream about the Selkie, that it would be a girl with long hair and pale eyes, dressed in a seal skin and standing in the waves. She would laugh with him, not at him. These thoughts communicated themselves through his flute, and it was almost as if he could hear his seal-maiden singing with him. Slowly he became aware that he wasn’t just imagining it – he could hear a voice following his tune!

The woman singing was anticipating his next note and harmonizing in a way he’d never heard before. He faltered in the sudden realization, and stopped playing. The voice continued until it too realized the silence then abruptly cut off. Girvan jumped to his feet and ran across the sand. “Wait! Let me talk to you!” But he heard a splash in the water and all he saw was a lithe shape collapse into the waves.

Girvan fell back onto the sand, eyes wide. A Selkie! A Yundah! He sat there for a long time, unable to think, until his legs grew numb. Then he got to his feet. “I don’t know whether you’re still there. But… please don’t run away from me. I just want to play music with you. Spend time with you. Just… be friends?” He waited a long time, but got no response, and eventually turned for home.

~

Muriel’s eyes were equally wide in her seal-shape beneath the waves. She had heard the boy’s words, but thought she heard more in them that he realized. If she gave him a bit of her company, eventually she would spend more and more of her time out of her skin, and that was vulnerable. Perhaps right now he was innocent, but it could all too easily turn sour. She stopped and looked back again, to see the boy kneeling on the sand a staring at the water with longing in his eyes. She wavered. It was safe in the ocean, but – the music! The music she had only found on land. And the chance to see what the hands of his could do… At night, when her eyes were better than his, perhaps they could create music together, and she could watch his fingers play along his hollow stick. But… no longer than that.

Muriel climbed up to a standing boulder and began to sing again, arresting the boy’s walk toward the cliffs. He turned and ran to the water’s edge, and Muriel stopped singing, holding her breath. He could see her, she knew, but he couldn’t get to her, or her sealskin. The boy hesitated, then smiled, backed up to the sand, and began to play.

~


Over the waves, you call to me
Shadow of dream, ancient mystery
Oh how I long for your sweet caress
Oh how I long for your gentleness

Torn between sea mists and solid land
Nights when I've ached for a human hand
I'll come to you while the moon shines bright
But I must go free with the first streak of light

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOIitg_MEo4
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You get so many brownie points for writing about Selkies. That was . . . beautiful. And I love the song, too.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Talps



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 134
Location: Merrie olde Englande

PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good choice of the myths that everyone loves Razz

If I have to criticise, I'd say the whole 'kindred spirits' thing was a bit of a cliche. But on the other hand them actually not getting together or him stealing her skin or whatever was a non-cliche Very Happy
It was really good, very gripping. And interesting twist on the myth itself and on the aliens theme.

(And yeah, I was just wrapping Christmas presents and agree; fingernails are an amazing invention)
_________________

Dubbed reversquee.
Talps = Splat reversed. Splat = Squee
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic     Forum Index -> The Written Word All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Page 4 of 5

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



Elveron phpBB theme/template by Ulf Frisk and Michael Schaeffer
Copyright © Ulf Frisk, Michael Schaeffer 2004


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group