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Today: That is an EX PARROT!
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UFAlien



Joined: 02 Dec 2008
Posts: 181

PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Allegedly they have security footage of someone walking the route with multiple backpacks, possibly containing the explosives. Hopefully they'll track him down.
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 2:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is the first I've heard about it. Prayers and thoughts with the people of Boston.


On a lighter note (now I feel shallow), I had an amazing time today. We were supposed to go up north and raft down the Jordan, but got [potentially] rained out. So instead of going somewhere else in the area, we turned completely around and went to the Dead Sea! Paid 50nis for a visit to a spa plus a barbecue which would normally cost 180nis, apparently. Mud packs, floating in water dense enough to feel like a cushion under my head, yummy grilled chicken, and fun with a whole group of friends. A great way to spend Independence Day!

And a bus conversation about returning to nature, natural medicine, social survival skills, social evolution, recreational drugs, and the evolution of language with a man who thought he knew what he was talking about, but ahd not a clue as to how to carry on an academic discussion. Kept drawing in miscellaneous and irrelevant-to-our-discussion points which clouded the issue and wasted time. Was interesting, though.
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Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My thoughts are with Boston. Take care UFAlien.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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Location: England

PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today used shiny new pro-social/hedging feedback toolset I've been playing with for the last couple of weeks. I have no idea how that's going to work out but it's interesting. Both easier and harder than just telling people that they're wrong. It takes a lot more time sugaring things up and obviously it's not going to be suitable for everyone but....

Part of the problem is that you don't have an exact theory but you've enough of one to know that the advice in books like How to Make Friends and Influence People. is ... not precisely wrong but imprecisely right =p

'The sweetest sound to someone in any language is their own name'
'People like to talk about themselves'

Sure, lots of people, but not all of them. ^^;

Someone must have written better books on how to get along with people more recently. I know business people have been looking at it for a bit - I ran across different personality types broken down in some more recent literature a while ago.

Anyhoo, yeah. It's a nice thing to play with anyway. Shall be interested to see how it goes ^_^
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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Location: England

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 5:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Above went alarmingly well. Got someone admitting their behaviour was wrong. O_o

The interesting thing is that this approach appears to add onto itself. Like calling a function from within itself. When you treat people gently and charitably you get more information from them to tailor what you're going to say next. Retrospectively obvious but I expected the returns to have a lower ceiling.

Today my legs hurt @_@ I know why, all that karate yesterday. If you launch at someone fast, that is a lot of power you're using. It makes a BLAM sound when you place your foot at the other end too ^_^

I know some people who don't place their foot properly at the other end. They're missing out on rebound energy/structure they could be using to crisp their punch up.

What you do, for a lunge punch - I may have said this before - is to bring your rear foot up to alongside your front foot as fast as possible (most people miss this part out and step rather lazily for that part) and then drive with what used to be your front foot. Launch yourself forwards. But you've got to arrive with the structure at the other end or it all goes biggeldy. And you've got to hold your punching arm back for as long as possible, you're storing part of the energy by torquing your own body up. Almost as if you were to pull back from standing still, the way you see newbies pull back to deliver massive hay-makers.

You need your foot in place at the other end to have that structure to pull and push against with all the energy you've been storing. You also need to do it to get half your energy back from the floor - all that energy you've just thrown forwards, in a sense is wasted. Oh you can hit people like that and I suppose strictly speaking you'd have more energy if you worked out the equation for the entire body, I don't know, not a physicist, but it does seem to arrive as more of a push than anything else when you do.

If you watch professional boxers when they're doing pad work, you'll notice they do what I'm talking about on their jabs:

http://youtu.be/H_HwYguqgaQ

Watch his front leg, that tiny twitchy step he makes when he jabs. He's pushing off the back leg and planting with the front, he's not just pushing with the back and leaving the front in the air when he lands. Neither is he doing everything just by launch his arm really fast with the muscles in his arm.
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 11:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And that, Nem, is why the Dale Carnegie method still works. By using sweetness, you're giving doors a chance to open on their own, rather than trying to force them. And it still applies to people who like a more direct approach - the key is to treat people how THEY like, rather than how you like. Yes, it's an effort to be nice to people, but as you've seen, it's an effort that pays dividends.

Here's another saying: "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

Today I earned money. Cleaned a couple's spare room this morning, because they 'work too much' to keep clean. Honestly, they're just messy and lazy and if they'd got it clean in the first place it'd be simple to keep clean on the weekend [shades of my mother echo in my ear...]. But he's Italian, and I had to turn down his offer of pasta for lunch so I could make my afternoon tutoring sessions. Sad But I made 150 nis for two hours of tutoring two bright girls, so all in all I'm okay with missing Italian pasta. Smile

Tonight there's yoga!
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Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today I am going to give myself carpal tunnel editing term papers.

Sigh.

Also, on a funny note, my research paper on headaches is giving me a headache--quite literally. The irony is not lost on me.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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Location: England

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 8:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@ Nu' *hugs* Codeine? ^_^

#

@ Asa:

Mmm, I was discussing this with one of my aunts a while back, Asa. My question to her was something to the effect of: If you're all executing this strategy, are any of you getting what you want? Or are you all just tolerating everyone else's misapproximation of you?

If you all execute happy-smiley-padding strat #1 - because you think that's what most people like - who bears the risk of defecting to something like concise-strat #2? When, if they do so, people might like them less upon discovering that the happy smiley strat they previously executed was just a mask.

I wonder whether that's what having ... artefacts ... so to speak, around you is for? Like the sort of comedy you enjoy, whether you keep your front room full of books, the leisure activities you claim to enjoy, that sort of stuff. A way of hinting to someone, without having to come right out and say it and take on all the risk yourself, that if they defect they might find a friendly audience :/

^^;

Hope you had fun with yoga! ^_^

#

Today I did little of consequence. Walked down into town. Slept a bit. @_@
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2013 8:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pffft. I don't think a headache requires an opiate, but the thought is appreciated. ^^

People call at work all the time who are addicted to that stuff. >>;;

@Asa: I was going to mention earlier--messiness isn't always a function of laziness. Sometimes it's a function of personality traits. Certain personality types are actually more prone to have clean living spaces or messy living spaces. That's not to say that these people like living in a sty or that they don't occasionally get lazy and their rooms extremely messy--just that cleanliness is not always a function of work ethic or lack thereof. ^^;
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Asa



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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nem: Yes, but Dale Carnegie covers this extensively in his book, actually: It's not truly manipulation, in the sense of deliberately and consciously changing other people's behavior through your own. It's treating people a certain way, knowing that way often gets results, and it's not intended for a malicious reason. A very fine difference, I admit.

There's also an end to it - if someone is deliberately acting counter to the 'kindness strategy', sometimes there's nothing left to do but speak sharply to him. It loses its effectiveness, though, if it's used too often.

And if truly everyone's 'wearing the mask', then does it really make a difference if it's a mask or not? It only matters when someone tries to go counter to the social norm (which some people argue is always a mask). I think you could probably make an argument for polite behavior being a social construct - in the 1400s, the accepted way to get someone to do something or tell you something was to torture him...


Nu: True. And I'm probably one of those people, as a matter of fact. But I've been trained (thank you, Mother) to do it anyway when the mess reaches a certain point, and these people haven't. Or, they dealt with it by shoving all the extra stuff into the spare room, but now they need to spare room, so what to do with the extra stuff... And I can see how having a tight work schedule leaves housecleaning to the back-burner, and then ignored, but I happen to know that they had at least a week of vacation in the past month, which they didn't use to clean.

And really, none of this changes to fact that I'm still casting judgement, which I shouldn't be doing. I'm going to stop now.


Had an informative guest workshop this morning, and then I spent two hours earning money, and I'm about to earn more, and then I'm going to work on my thesis some more. If I'm not burned out by then, I'm going to do some research for a seminar paper.

Yoga was great! I really like yoga. It's not for everyone, but then, neither is the gym circuit, so.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@Asa: I am one of those people, too, actually. And I'm sorry if I sounded harsh or something--I didn't mean to be. I just know that a lot of people don't take things like that into account (like my mother). ^_______^

Today people keep mentioning gyms. Which is reminding me that I need (and actually would like) to go. Sigh. one more week. After I finish and turn in all of my papers. Then I will be free to do things. Like work out. And see friends. And clean my room.

Today the newspaper still hasn't gotten back to me. I'm supposed to meet with them again on Wednesday afternoon, but so far I haven't heard back from them about a time.
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Asa



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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today I have been productive. Mostly. Met a lady about my MA proposal, got further details. Spoke with a tutoring student about her work.

TTD
Rewrite Research Questions
Research Seminar Paper
Meeting with Student #2
Meeting with Teacher #2

Also a class this afternoon.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today was the award's ceremony at my school. See the happy thread for more details.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not so much worried about the manipulation part, Asa. Though admittedly that's part of it - does being nice to someone stop them thinking? However I can see situations where being nasty to them stops them thinking too so... average the two concerns and it works out at 0 so I'm not that concerned.

The main concern is more how people get along in that framework:
On the one hand there's 'Be afraid of the enemies that smile at you.' and on the other there's ... well the other concern is how you know how someone likes to be treated if you're both trying to treat the other person how you think they like to be treated. If we're both trying to treat the other person as if they're extroverted and people-orriented in their subject choices, if that's just our default - then how do you know that either person's actually enjoying the conversation?

I suppose in terms of power politics it works out in your favour if you're the one not enjoying the conversation, since you'll be less likely to give people things irrationally. However, in terms of getting along with people and having good relationships, I wonder whether there are signalling mechanisms that people use which have a low risk but allow both parties to more closely match what the other enjoys.

#

Today I got a letter from the student loans company saying they were going to pay my uni this year. Phoned them up, it turned out to be nothing. But it's so weird talking to them, the last time we really spoke at any length I was still a kid.

The world seems so fragile when you're young, at least it seemed that way to me. Like anything you say or do can change it, shatter it into a million pieces. Waiting for the hammer to drop - and it never really did. Which is nice.

Mum's out painting her shed at the moment. I think I'll take her a cup of tea ^_^
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We stroll along the roof of hell
Gazing at flowers.
- Issa
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 10:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How does being nice to people equate to assuming they're extroverted? All I see it meaning is, when you DO talk to them, do it with a smile.

That's a really sweet idea, Nem. ^_^

Attended class and tutored, today. That was about all. I made a bowl of oatmeal this morning, with milk, craisins, cinnamon and vanilla, but then I got back in bed until it was time to leave. So only partly useful, today.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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