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Writer's Group 3: Symbiosis and Unity
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So I should abandon that little plot element, yes?
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...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It would probably be wise...
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Consider it done.
_________________
...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alright, here's my first page. I launched off that thing Tenshi said about working together to survive.


*Tump*
*Tump*
___A small figure walked along the cracked sidewalk of a small Russian city, footsteps echoing for blocks. Luminous eyes peeked out from alleys and windows, hungrily eyeing the girl and her bulging suitcases.
___She ignored the eyes, as she always did. They would not attack her, no matter how much food she carried. But they would watch, as long as they could without leaving their dens.
___Cities like this were the reason humans still feared androids. There were documented cases of starving humans turning cannibal, but never anything on a scale like this. The only viable source of food in the city was people, a fact that had transformed most of the near-immortal populous into flesh-hungry psychopaths. Even if their hunger was sated, the minds of most were too far gone.
___The girl’s path led her to a large hotel, rotating doors shattered years ago, glass reduced to sand on the floor and sidewalk. She stepped through doors, careful not to drop her bags. A pair of eyes looked up at her from beneath the overturned concierge desk.
___“Hey, Mel,” the girl said in a conversational tone, “Anythin’ happen while I was gone?”
___The light from the eyes shifted slightly as Mel shook his head. “Heard some shooting a couple days ago, but nobody came out.”
___The girl nodded. “Tha’s good ta hear. Hey, I gotcha some’m.” She reached into one of the bags and pulled out a half-empty package of pepperoni, tiny crystals of frost visible around the opening.
___Mel’s eyes widened. “You don’t needa give me those…,” he breathed.
___The girl smiled, but a look of sadness lingered in her eyes. “Jus’ take ‘em, moron.” She tossed the package lightly into the shadows of Mel’s den, and walk to the door to the stairs just a few feet away. Her hand paused over the keypad as she noticed a fresh set of bloody fist prints on the door.
___She turned back to the desk. “Mel…,” she whispered, “h’ve you been poundin’, again?”
___“…Yeah,” came the hoarse reply.
___The girl swallowed, moisture building in her eyes. “You don’ deserve this, Mel.”
___A small sigh came from beneath the desk. “Thanks, kid.”
___The girl keyed in her PIN and walked wordlessly through the open door, dragging the heavy bags behind her as she began the long climb to the top floor.



Okay, what do you think? Can you understand the girl's accent?
_________________
...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can read it, and hear it, but I'm not sure if it's the accent you were aiming for... I get an odd mix of russian and redneck. O_o

That's quite a riveting beginning also! I'm interested to read more!
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm trying to do my accent. Go to http://accent.gmu.edu/ and check out "Spokane, WA," to get a good idea.
_________________
...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That website is AWESOME. Anyhow...more writings. Razz
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's page 2. Say hello to Aven, everybody!


___Aven sat on a worn out leather sofa, reading Out of the Silent Planet for the third time that week. She was bored, which was fairly normal, and hungry, which was normal, too. The kids were sleeping, something they did more and more frequently. Aven knew she should join them, that her page-turning was wasting calories, but she couldn’t bring herself to relax.

___Not since that thing attacked.

___Aven knew it had to be her imagination- that it couldn’t be that loud, but the sound of dripping in the second bathroom made her heart race. She needed to relax, to sleep. She couldn’t afford to waste energy—who knew when Jac would make it back?

___If… whispered the small voice of doubt.

___She turned back to her book. Page number… No that wasn’t right….

___Aven flipped back a few pages, trying to find the place where she’d stopped paying attention. The rattle of the door handle made her jump. She almost dived for the gun resting on the coffee table, but reined herself back. The handle. It was Jac.

___The door opened and a small girl entered, wearing an enormous backpack and two duffle bags, and dragging a huge suitcase. Despite the beating sun, Jac wore a black hoodie and baggy jeans, and frost hung to all her baggage. She glanced at Aven, curled on the couch in camisole and shorts.

___“Where’re the kids?”

___“Sleeping.”

___“Shouldn’t you be too?”

___“Too much goin’ on.”

___“Yeah I heard….” Jac’s voice trailed off.

___“You don’t have too, I mean not right awa—,” Aven started, but Jac cut her off.

___“No. I’m fine.”

___Aven stared at the ground. “Um…, so how’s Mel?”

___Jac shrugged. “Seems fine, wish he’d let us bring ‘im up here.”

___“He’s stubborn.”

___Jac muttered under her breath, some comment comparing Mel to a humorous body part.

___Aven had to smile. “Shush.” She sighed. “It’s good to have you back.”

___Jac was already dragging the bags to the kitchen and missed her friend’s last whispered remark.

___Aven remembered how hard it had been before Jac had found her little family. Nathan had been there, but his powers were much different from the small girl’s. Nat had welded shut every elevator in the hotel, as well as every stairwell entrance except for the penthouse and ground floor, but the effort had left him weak for days. There simply wasn’t enough food for him to use magic so freely. As a thermal-class Elf, Nat was capable of absorbing ambient heat, but he needed temperatures of at least 100° F. to sustain himself. Jac, on the other hand, could survive on temperatures just above freezing. She still needed a small amount of food and plenty of water, but her vampric abilities allowed her to feed on raw chemicals, and of course, blood.

___Like most vampric-class elves, Jac preferred Pepsi and leafy vegetables. However, these things were not easy to come by, and lettuce didn’t keep well. But the necessity of conserving food and the abundance of blood-filled zombies had forced her to unpleasant measures. Now Jac lived mostly on a beverage she mockingly referred to as “Cherry Coke.”


And that's the most you'll hear about blood.
_________________
...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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spawnofjaws



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 559
Location: North Carolina! And proud of it...!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

C.S. Lewis.....
**wibbles**
God, thebes, why do you have to be such a stalker!

But seriously, I like it.
Cherry coke...heheh...
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In my brain, I'm someone famous AND important!
Dubbed 'Egg' by ASA, but also responds to "spegg"...
Keeper of Oliblish and Teh Poodle Stick....
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spegg, our similarities never cease to scare the crap out of me.
It had to be a book I'd read, sci-fi, a classic that could be read in 300 years, and still kind of obscure. And (I looked up the book on Wikipedia to double-check the name) the publisher was Avon.
I'd already named Aven, so I had to use it when I saw that.
_________________
...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Could the two of you get married already? ^_^;;
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spawnofjaws



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 559
Location: North Carolina! And proud of it...!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did you read the rest of the series?
Perelandra freaked me out a little, and I still can't get past this one part in Hideous Strength...
And thebes, as I said before, we're twins.
I'll only be impressed if you tell me that...
Well, not likely, at all....
I know thta we're twins, but I doubt I'm your sister...
_________________
Hoffman icon courtesy of my very good friend, Isaymakebelieve, on LJ, check her out! http://community.livejournal.com/isaymakebelieve/
In my brain, I'm someone famous AND important!
Dubbed 'Egg' by ASA, but also responds to "spegg"...
Keeper of Oliblish and Teh Poodle Stick....
[/url]
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I finished Hideous Strength, but I didn't understand half the book. I think I lost it when they were talking about the weather: "we like it as kids but hate it as adults." Everything after Merlin was kind of "uh... what?". There were way too many characters that never did anything.
Lewis is great, but his spiritual analogies get a little loopy sometimes.
_________________
...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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spawnofjaws



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 559
Location: North Carolina! And proud of it...!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

But you can't help liking Ransom, he's pretty cool...I think.
But I did like the way he broke it down in Perelandra, and at the end I felt no weirdness when he described kissing them, liek he described it, it sounded liek a little kid giving a kiss to his parents...
And Tam, I told, you, we haven't set the date yet...
_________________
Hoffman icon courtesy of my very good friend, Isaymakebelieve, on LJ, check her out! http://community.livejournal.com/isaymakebelieve/
In my brain, I'm someone famous AND important!
Dubbed 'Egg' by ASA, but also responds to "spegg"...
Keeper of Oliblish and Teh Poodle Stick....
[/url]
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read them like five years ago. I can't remember much.
_________________
...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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