FAQ Memberlist Usergroups Register Log in
Profile Log in to check your private messages Search

Writer's Group 10: Ostranenie
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic     Forum Index -> The Written Word
Author Message
Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wait, I won? Woa. </Neo moment>

Maybe there's something to this style of writing after all, I didn't think it was that good but it won. Hm. Maybe I'll make a book out of it... >_>

Oh, and the object was a Frisbee! Tinu picked it out right away, LOL.

I like the idea of someone looking back on our toys, and not knowing what they're for. Like my Anthropology professor used to say, we really have no idea. Would someone find a toilet seat, and think it was an elaborate and expensive necklace made of a rare material? How much porcelain WILL be left, in 500 years? Would a Nerf Gun (if it survived) be a weapon? A targeting pistol? A training tool for soldiers? What about bouncy balls? Frisbees?

The way you see an object is dependent upon how you were raised. If you were raised to see war, death, and destruction everywhere you look, then you will. Even if you're looking upon the most beautiful, gentle thing in the world, if all you've ever known is darkness then what you'll see first are the levels of shadow. Behavioral and Cultural Psychology, meet Anthropology. And, perhaps, my favorite combination of sciences.

Erm, okay. *shuffles off the ramble soapbox*

In terms of everyone else (in alphabetical order), I liked Asa's duality. The extreme contrast between two completely opposite people really speaks to something I try (unsuccessfully) to write about quite often. The level of detail was also very well done, and I had a strong mental sense of the places she was writing about! This could easily turn into a full length short story, I think!

In Ax's writing, I loved his writing from the position of the lecturer. It sounded character-specific, and very believable. It reminded me fairly well of my Anthro professor, though I think it was a hair lacking in the focus category. While I knew what he was talking about, I thought the overall writing was... well, it was like an opening statement. Perfectly presented in terms of realism, but it's length was not sufficient to really present the item in question clearly. I want moooore. @_@

Talps' piece, I'm honestly not sure about. While I do think that it does fulfill the goal after a fashion, I'm not sure that adding sentience to the object helped the piece. I like what you did, and truth be told I would have loved to see a much longer description of the laptop coming to the realization that she was human. Further, seeing this from the mentality of a computer (yes or no logic, infinite store of information) would have been FASCINATING. As it was, you asked some interesting questions and did some interesting experiments. I would happily read it, if you made a short story out of this.

Tinu's piece probably fascinated me the most. A completely alien world from my perspective, it had me puzzled and drawn in to understanding just what was going on. A vicious, roaring monster? A frightened and highly agile (if somewhat oddly feral) main character? At the end, it all clicked into place. I thought going away from human perspective was a highly creative move, and it brought a lot of life to your work.

I want to say that I enjoyed ALL of these pieces, though. I would happily read the full story, and they all left me curious and wanting more. I didn't think mine was the best, to be honest. ^^;

See you all next time!
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 5:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is this your first win, Tenshi? =o Congrats! You deserve it...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 5:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have no idea, honestly. I appreciate your praise, Tamir. ^_^ Coming from you, that's high compliments.
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought it was Frisbee! But then I deleted it in case other people hadn't read yours yet and I didn't want to ruin it.

Well, I think the best piece won.

On to WG11!
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
spellingmistax



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 618
Location: Asa took this ^ I stole it ^_^

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 7:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Congrats Tenshi. I appreciate both Talps and Tenshis's input about my peace and I see exactly what you guys mean.
Have fun in writers group 11
_________________
"He gave you a life and you should cherish that treasure." - Benny

while Udina asked the usual inane civilian things that came about while under attack: "What's happening? Who is shooting at us? I'm squishy and not wearing armor and I'm a liability, get me to safety, etc.
dubbed Anthrax by Asa
Spellingmistax = mistax = ax = anthrax
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Congrats Tenshi ^_^
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Talps



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 134
Location: Merrie olde Englande

PostPosted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well done Tenshi. I think it was a hard topic for everyone!

The idea I wrote for was one I'd had for a while, and tried writing a story for before but unfortunately the attempt never went anywhere; just didn't know where to take it after she walks into his house. What's the point of the story from that point on? I might work as a TV sitcom actually, but not really as a story.

So with this I cut out a lot of stuff I could'a should'a would'a put in 'cus as you saw it was already very long. I did borrow and recycle a lot from my previous attempt at writing the story (though in that she was a watch, but he was a student) but it was hard to compress it. And I had to kind of blag an ending. So I went for a frog-prince thing in the end. You kiss the transformed frog, he turns back into a human. You kiss a transformed human...

I did enjoy imagining the sort of view of a person a laptop would get. The stuff you do online that you kind of want kept secret. Private conversations, bank details, private interests in 1980s kids TV progra- uuh, I mean, I, um, hey, look at that! *scarpers*

But it was fun. It was just hard to end, and to compress into a short story. I might post my other attempt at writing it in this forum if people are interested.

And yay! I got the frisbee right!
_________________

Dubbed reversquee.
Talps = Splat reversed. Splat = Squee
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What if you had made it an internal monologue of the laptop as a laptop? Sort of like, "Oh gosh, what is he doing now, doesn't he know how awful those websites taste?" kinda thing.
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Talps



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 134
Location: Merrie olde Englande

PostPosted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe, I think that would be funny and it might be a great idea. I might try it some day.
_________________

Dubbed reversquee.
Talps = Splat reversed. Splat = Squee
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 6:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What kind of websites you two looking at. ;P

I like the idea, Talps. I think that it's probably the hardest to pull off, in this literary tool. First you take a foreign entity, and then you try to make it human. Further, you then give it personality, and further distance it from humanity while still trying to draw some similarities that draw the reader in. The balance would be highly difficult, but if done correctly highly rewarding!

Keep at it. Smile The only failed attempt is one not taken.
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's a question.

Could anyone identify the sensation I described when the boy touched the wall? I wasn't sure how clear I was, without using the word itself...
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic     Forum Index -> The Written Word All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Page 5 of 5

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



Elveron phpBB theme/template by Ulf Frisk and Michael Schaeffer
Copyright Ulf Frisk, Michael Schaeffer 2004


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group